Welcome to The Morning Grumble by Grumble Farm, a community-supported newsletter that chronicles the journey of my life with pugs, dogs, and other animals through stories of hope & healing that are inspired by nature & the transformative and immortal power of unconditional love 🕊️🌈🐾

My name’s Brandy - chaotic city girl turned semi-feral Kootenay girl, writer, vlogger, dog & nature lover in the form of a child-free elder millennial birder, chronic emoji user, and the founder of Grumble Farm.

I’m also one very proud pug mama to Fern, Ivy, and sweet, sweet Jonie-in-the-sky 💙

Grumble Farm itself is a little bit of a tricky thing to try and explain, as it has constantly shape-shifted into and out of many things over the years as any living, breathing brand & business tends to do.

With it, I have changed and shape-shifted, too.

In it’s essence, Grumble Farm has always shared the relatively unfiltered telling of my own life story with three little pugs - Jonas, Fern, and Ivy (and friends) - and all of the various ways they’ve continued to guide me Home to my Heart.

To clarify, Grumble Farm isn’t exactly a farm, per se. As Meghann Evans wrote so eloquently for Grumble Farm’s feature in Pet Sitter International’s bonus Winter 2021 issue of Pet Sitter’s World Magazine,

Grumble Farm isn’t based on an actual farm, but a vision—one that follows Brandy everywhere.

That about sums it up, but what’s the vision?

Well, that changes, too - in fact, it just did. Again!

After eight wild months grieving in a little log cabin in the woods following my heart & soul pug Jonie’s death, I’m about to hit the road full-time with my two senior pug sisters, Fern & Ivy, to care for and continue learning from other pugs, dogs, kitties, horses, pigs, chickens, ducks, donkeys, and a whole variety of other magnificent creatures everywhere from big cities to rural farms across Western Canada as a nomadic sitter-of-sorts. If you’re going away and looking for a pet, pug, dog, animal, house, or farm sitter, you can find more information about my services & specialties here.

I recently drastically downsized my life and am on a mission to follow the wise & loving guidance of all of the pugs, dogs, pets, farm animals, and wildlife that light my path so that I might be able to find my way to the “real” Grumble Farm one day. My intention has always, always been to share my own journey openly and authentically so that I might spark a light in others - of resonance, of inspiration, of connection, of empowerment - and my sharing includes both the easy, joyous moments along with the more challenging ones, too (all sprinkled with a whole lotta pug glitter ✨, obviously).

In addition to writing, I’m also a video creator on YouTube. The videos and vlogs I film, edit, and share primarily document my travels & adventures with Fern and Ivy, along with everyone we meet and spend time with along the way. I also share a variety of topic-based videos as I feel called to create them, and the stories I share compliment this newsletter quite nicely 😌

Between sitting & caregiving gigs, I have a lot of quiet solo time to think & process while driving long distances through incredibly beautiful and inspiring landscapes. More often than not, The Morning Grumble newsletter and everything contained within it is the result of countless hours of reflecting on the road with the pugs while capturing all of the peculiar, entertaining, and inspiring things I observe around me.

As a subscriber, you’ll be able to read, watch, and/or listen to The Morning Grumble every Monday morning, either directly in your e-mail inbox or via the Substack app or website. I primarily share photo and video-rich updates about what’s transpired in our lives since the previous newsletter, along with the accompanying reflections & messages that have been moving through me as each week comes to pass.

You can also expect to find little goodies and surprises peppered throughout each issue that are meant to offer resources and inspiration for those who share deep and intimate love-bonds and soul-connections with their pets & animals, as well as those who carry a spiritual reverence for wildlife and the natural world around them.

Please note that this newsletter might not be for you if you practice ethical veganism, as rural perspectives on farm animals and ethical, compassionate, and humane animal husbandry are a part of my experiences, values, lessons and lifestyle.

In addition to sharing about my own journey with Jonas, Fern, and Ivy, I’m also an aspiring animal intuitive with a special interest in the end-of-life of our companion animals. When I feel called, I love writing about the profound spiritual growth opportunities available to us as animal guardians and caregivers - particularly at the transformative moment of death and within the grief that follows.

As time goes on, I’ll be sharing more writing and videos that touch on a myriad of topics surrounding companion animal seniorhood, disabled and special needs pets, palliative/hospice care, anticipatory & complex grief, animals in spirit, and navigating the end-of-life experiences and transformations of our dogs and companion animals from a sacred and spiritual perspective.

This work is rooted in a deep understanding of the human-animal connection & bond, and will be continually curated in a section of The Morning Grumble newsletter called The Rainbow Ring. Everything there is intended to offer guidance, comfort, support, and resources for dog and animal guardians and caregivers moving through life’s final chapter (or interested in best preparing for it’s inevitable arrival) while navigating the waters of pet loss grief.

If these topics fall under the category of shadow work for you, and you don’t feel quite ready to explore grief’s hidden gifts… you can easily unsubscribe from The Rainbow Ring section without unsubscribing to The Morning Grumble newsletter itself by visiting your subscription preferences on your Substack profile.

A lot of people have told me that they have observed me navigating the end-of-life of my own dogs with strength, courage, and grace, and I’ve been asked by a handful of people how I do it.

And while there’s no easy answer to that question, I’ll share what’s in my heart when I reflect on my own experiences over the years.

I’ve managed to build resilience by consciously creating space to lean into topics surrounding death, dying, and grief, rather than avoiding them (which I did for many, many years). This process was not easy, as nothing worthwhile ever is. The process of my heart breaking was excruciating painful, but it has been cracked wide open to both give & receive even greater love. To get to this place, the only way out is through; you have to feel. It. All.

To do this, I’ve devoted a huge portion of my life to unearthing incredibly powerful tools & practices that have helped process, integrate, and honour my grief. This has further developed my intuition and guided me to come into a deeper, more trusting & faith-based relationship with myself, my power, my capabilities, and my heart’s miraculously innate wisdom and guidance as a result.

It takes incredible bravery to stand face-to-face with the fear of the unknown, and learning how to find the gifts and blessings within our seemingly devastating losses can feel like quite a harrowing journey. But the lessons & growth available to those bold enough to undertake the journey are profoundly healing, allowing for a much greater capacity to love & be loved. This is exactly what our dogs, pets, and animals intend to teach us through their selfless service as wayshowers and luminaries, coming into our lives by divine soul contract to assist with our healing & ascension to higher levels of consciousness. Our pets and animals do this by embodying the virtues of unconditional love and forgiveness, particularly at the transformative moment of death.

At various intersections throughout my own life, many pets and animals - both wild and domestic - have graciously taught me that death is nothing to be feared and that love never, ever dies. These lessons have been incredible evolutionary opportunities for me, and have helped me cultivate a greater sense of awareness about what it means to live an intentional and expansive life that is deeply connected to spirit and guided by the intuitive wisdom of the heart.

Throughout everything I create and share online, I try my very best to channel and translate what I’ve learned from the pets, dogs, and animals that I’ve cared for and interacted with in my life, along with the various ways I work to actively embody their teachings each and every day.

Disclaimer: My writing and reflections on pet & animal loss are inspired by my own personal experiences, and I am not a trained grief counsellor or therapist.

My own story as told through Grumble Farm is forever guided by Jonas and Chloe’s ever-loving spirits from just beyond the veil.

If you chose to stick around long enough and enjoy following along with my journey, or if you find my heart-filled work on pet loss grief valuable, you can fuel my travels & freedom-inspired musings as a way to give thanks for my writing and video work by becoming a free or paid subscriber to this newsletter or by buying me a coffee or two over on Ko-fi.

Thank you for your intentional presence 🙏

Forever & ever,

P.S. To preserve the integrity of my creative expression & work, I’ve decided not to share much of the important & meaningful stuff in & from my life on Instagram anymore. Instead, in-between e-mails, you can find me sharing occasional Notes here on Substack (in addition to my vlogs).

A “Little” Backstory

In the fall of 2023, I moved onto 18 acres of forested mountain land, in a little log cabin tucked deep in the Canadian woods of the West Kootenays of British Columbia. The cabin is perched up onto a hill and sits amongst a thick of trees that overlook a vast, sparkling expanse of Kootenay Lake’s north shores.

My partner Jesse is a professional photographer & filmmaker (amongst many other things), and ever since relocating to the rural Kootenays from the big, bad city of Calgary in the spring of 2020, I’ve been describing myself as a radical self-sharer & fringey nonconformist telling stories in the woods; a bit of a digital Hedge Witch, of sorts.

For the past eight months, Jesse and I have been “working” remotely from the cabin on various creative projects, co-creating written and audiovisual stories and projects for our friends on the internet.

We’re both child-free, on-the-verge-of-midlife millennials currently living a relatively isolated lifestyle out here on the fringes of society, although this version of myself has taken me a lifetime to discover and come home to.

I care for & share my days, afternoons and nights with two little senior pug sisters named Fern and Ivy, who both turned 13 on October 31. They’re my literal daughters, and live at the very centre of my heart along with Jonie - my heart & soul dog - who passed away gently and peacefully on the afternoon of April 28th, 2023 at the age of 13.

The Story of Grumble Farm

For the past nine years, I’ve been creating and sharing my life on Instagram as Grumble Farm.

Grumble Farm started as a place to escape in my head during my darkest hours when I lived in the city: a picturesque property full of pugs, and a life filled with nothing but them (careful what you wish for…)

In the fall of 2013, prior to the creation of Grumble Farm, I was working my way through a double major at the University of Calgary - a Bachelor of Arts in Communication and Media Studies, and a BSc in Evolutionary Anthropology with a concentration in primatology1 - all while earning a living, for my ninth year, as a professional freelance body piercer in the tattoo and body modification industry.

Pursuing a University education was my attempt at pivoting out of a “career” I had fallen into as a lost and delinquent teenager, and subsequently outgrown. My dream at the time was to work with wild animals somehow, and to compliment my studies, I started volunteering with the Alberta Institute for Wildlife Conservation as a wildlife rescue driver, rehabilitation assistant, and community educator.

On December 9, 2015, as a result of multiple unchecked mental health struggles, the non-stop stress, anxiety, and workload of my academic studies, numerous complex and stressful family issues as my parents navigated separation and divorce, a highly processed vegan diet along with an emotional binge-eating disorder, an outrageously toxic work environment, and a persistent lack of security and stability in my life, I was diagnosed with stage 3A colorectal cancer when I was just 29 years old. In the fallout, both my academic studies and my time spent rescuing, rehabilitating, and releasing wild animals were cut short.

Amidst all of my sudden losses, my cancer diagnoses gave me the permission slip I needed to walk away from body piercing and begin a new journey of self-exploration. Throughout my cancer “treatment”, I independently advocated - fiercely - for an integrative (and largely alternative) approach to healing my body, mind, and spirit, serving as the trailhead to my path of awakening. As a result, my journey with and perception of cancer is much different than most people’s: cancer saved my life.

On August 6th, 2017, while once again recovering from yet another abdominal surgery due to ongoing complications from the first, I lost my little pug Chloe in a tragic accident. She was only four years old, but through intensive Reiki and meditation training, I was able to process my grief, find peace, and create meaning and purpose from the devastating and traumatic way she had chosen to leave this earth. While healing from cancer strengthened my connection to myself, coming to terms with Chloe’s death strengthened my connection to God, source, and spirit, and I believe whole-heartedly that her sacrifice was so that she could help guide me from above - and guide me from above, she did…

Becoming A Grumble Mama & the Birth of Grumble Farm Pug Rescue & Re-homing Assistance

On October 10th, 2017, I adopted Fern and Ivy when they were 7 years old. Together with my soulmate pug, Jonas, they made me an official grumble mama (a group of three or more pugs in a pack is called a grumble, in case ‘ya didn’t know).

On January 16th, 2018, I made the spontaneous decision to drive through an Alberta blizzard to rescue two neglected pugs from a backyard/garage breeder who were in desperate need of medical attention. When I arrived home with them, I quickly got to work “launching” Grumble Farm Pug Rescue and Re-homing Assistance so that I could raise the funds to give them another chance at life.

Rescue work consumed me for the entire 2018 year as owner surrenders, long-distance rescue missions, and inter-rescue transfers came flooding in. On December 31, 2018, my long-term partner crumbled under the stress of my ongoing cancer-related surgeries and intensive, around-the-clock pug care and decided to abruptly exit our relationship. With seven dogs at my feet and an ileostomy bag attached to my stomach, I watched him drive away from our home in a yellow taxi into the cold, unforgiving darkness of New Year’s Eve.

Grumble Girl

Six months after my break-up, I moved into a small one-bedroom apartment located in Calgary’s downtown core, two blocks away from the Calgary Tower. Using the network of foster & adoptive families I had connected with through rescue, Grumble Farm evolved into a breed-specific pug walking, sitting, and boarding business serving the entirety of Calgary & area.

On October 12th, 2019, I was finally admitted for a long-awaited ileostomy reversal procedure - my last of many abdominal surgeries since my diagnoses - and spent the following several months on short-term disability as I recovered.

In March of 2020, Jesse and I met and became lockdown partners, hanging out together in my apartment with the pugs. By May, with the world going quite literally insane as I lost most of my walking & sitting clients, we decided to ditch the hustle & fast-paced chaos of the city in pursuit of a calmer, quieter, simpler life out in the West Kootenays of British Columbia.

In what felt like an instant, I sold the pug-mo-bile, packed up Jonas, Fern, and Ivy into the back of Jesse’s bright orange Jeep, and began the 8-hour drive westward with the Calgary Tower fading into the distance behind me in the passenger’s side mirror.

On June 1st, 2020, we moved into a little lakefront apartment in a small, mountain valley village called Kaslo, where we lived for the next three and a half years. Together, we launched our YouTube channel and committed to creating films, videos, photos, and writing that shared our life together in the Kootenays with Jonas, Fern and Ivy with our slowly growing online following. By November, I had launched Grumble Farm’s website (currently defunct), and by February of the following year, I had launched our Patreon page to allow our followers to join a community and support our creative work directly.

Throughout 2021 and 2022, Jesse and I continued creating relatively pug-centric adventure content together full-time - working on our YouTube channel, nurturing the “Grumble Farm-ily” community, and launching photography-based products like calendars, stickers, greeting cards, and branded merch in our little online store. Eventually, we started landing brand deals and began creating influencer marketing content on Instagram for various pet care brands and their products.

In January of 2023, Jonas - our main star, and my whole heart - started to show concerning symptoms of neurological decline a few days after his 13th birthday. After a big community fundraiser and multiple referrals to internal medicine veterinary specialists in Calgary for advanced diagnostics over the course of several months, I found the supports I needed to make the decision to book his euthanasia appointment for the end of April. Throughout that month, I spent thirty uninterrupted days suspended within an impenetrable bubble of love and devotion with Jonas, soaking in every lesson he had to teach me in his final month of life.

Facilitating and supporting Jonas’ death on the afternoon of April 28th took more courage than navigating cancer in an unconventional way AND coming back to centre after Chloe’s unexpected death, combined.

The truth is, walking Jonas through palliative-stage care right up until the moment of his spirit’s release was one of the most potent transformative experiences of my life. In the aftermath, I felt a massive disconnect from Grumble Farm’s public audience, not being able to fully express my newly developed death-positive attitude and understanding of the immense power and immortal nature of unconditional love. Feeling largely misunderstood and alone in my experience, I began to withhold sharing my deepest, most precious thoughts and experiences with the internet at large.

One month after Jonas’ death, the apartment we had been living in for the previous three and a half years sold, and we received an eviction notice to vacate the premises by September 1st.

In July, the opportunity to move into our current cabin landed directly in our laps - an eerily accurate manifestation of Grumble Farm’s logo, and a gift from Jonas and Chloe, to be sure:

On September 1st, 2023, Jesse and I made the move with the girls to start a brand new chapter with the girls from our little log cabin in the woods 🪵🌲🐾

Out here in the West Kootenays, and especially during our short time at the cabin (more on that below), I’ve found an even deeper connection and belonging amongst raw, untouched nature and wild animals (many predatory, all magnificent). I see magic and beauty and opportunity and inspiration everywhere I look, and that is a miracle considering I lived my so many years of my young adult life thinking about suicide as a way to escape the pain and suffering of merely existing.

Over the past 9 years, with sheer and unbridled resilience, I’ve managed to escape certain systems rigged to suppress my creative spirit, and other systems designed to keep me physically sick and dependent. Against all odds, and with the help of all of the little pugs that have guided me along the way, I’ve finally managed to find my way back home to the magnificence of my true self.

Since my cancer diagnoses, I’ve nurtured and re-built my relationship to the food I cook and eat, and by proxy, my relationship to my physical body. I’ve also started to discover what it means to further develop a relationship with a God of my understanding. Each day, I feel more confident and self-assured talking about how incredible it is to live a life that is divinely guided by something much greater than myself.

Being in the Kootenays, I’ve come to deeply value peace, simplicity, and solitude. With the constant noise and chaos of the city behind me and very far away, I’ve learned to slow down and listen to my heart, which is where Jonie and Chloe now live and speak to me every day.

Today, I perceive the continual unfolding of life as a beautifully cyclical journey, rather than a linear race to the finish line. And through what every little pug has ever taught me throughout their own short little lives, I’ve come to understand that death is nothing but the next great adventure towards even greater love.

It might sound like I’ve found my happily ever after, but is that ever really the case in this life?

Everything is constantly changing and life itself is always moving through phases and cycles and ups and downs as it ebbs and flows.

In February of 2024, Jesse was diagnosed with a (non-cancerous) brain tumour called a pituitary macroadenoma.

Due to his symptoms, Jesse’s been unable to work for the past several months. It’s also highly unlikely that he’ll be able to work for the rest of the 2024 year as he recovers - and that’s if his eyesight comes back post-op (about a 33% chance).

Suddenly, I’ve become the only person able to bring in an income for the both of us and our household. This has been incredibly stressful and nearly impossible to keep up with, especially after deciding relocate to the cabin property last fall following our renoviction from the first home we moved into, which was called the 1986 (I shared all about it in this video on YouTube). Nine months ago, we chose to say YES to the cabin because we thought we’d be able to work our asses off to make living here possible!

Originally, we had come up with an agreement with our landlords that we would “chip away” at a list of various projects they were looking to have done around the property, which would ultimately reduce our rent each month.

But as Jesse became less and less physically able to both a) work as a photographer and b) do any kind of physical labour at the cabin, we knew things were going to get really, really difficult financially. While Jesse has been receiving a trickle of donations through his GoFundMe, we’ve really had to put our brains to work thinking of every possible solution for how to help us get through this.

After brainstorming ideas to exhaustion, it’s become become quite clear that staying at the cabin is no longer a possibility.

To allow for Jesse’s healing and recovery from transsphenoidal pituitary resection surgery this summer, Jesse and I will be moving into a small, 400 square foot guest house on a multi-family farm located in a brand new village, in a brand new mountain valley, next to a brand new lake - Upper Arrow, a widening of the Columbia River between the Selkirk Mountains to the east, and the Monashee Mountains to the west.

I’ll be there at first, and then I’ll be there when I can. But in an attempt to catch my breath from everything that’s happened since Jesse’s diagnoses while simultaneously attempting to claw my way up and out of the deep, dark hole I’ve dug myself into financially by simply trying to survive, I’ll be hitting the road with Fern and Ivy to work, once again, as the Spectacular Travelling Pug/Dog/Pet/Animal/House and Farm Sitter - caring for a whole variety of creatures everywhere from big cities to rural farms across Western Canada as a nomadic sitter-of-sorts.

And that, my friends, brings us all the way back, full circle, to the beginning of this About Page here on Substack.

See? I told you Grumble Farm was a little bit of a tricky thing to try and explain.

Here’s where else you can find me:

🧡 Follow along in-between newsletters on Notes here on Substack

💙 Fuel my travels & creatively inspired musings by buying me a coffee or two on Ko-fi

❤️ Send your support directly via Paypal

🧡 Subscribe and settle in to catch up on my long-form videos & vlogs on Grumble Farm’s YouTube channel

💙 Here’s my mailing address:

Grumble Farm

ATTN: Brandy & the Pugs

P.O. Box 492

Kaslo, B.C. V0G 1M0

CANADA

❤️ Check out this Issue of Pet Sitter International’s industry magazine, Pet Sitter’s World to learn a little more about my journey with Grumble Farm, particularly in regards to running a breed-specific pug care business:

• Cover

• Feature

🧡 Listen to my interview with Chris Martins, host of the Getting Work to Work Podcast: The Grumble, Gritty & Gracious

💙 Listen to Jesse’s interview with Chris Martins, host of the Getting Work to Work Podcast: Beyond the Box of What You Do